nothing to strive for, sure as hell not life itself, so aweful isn't it?...perhaps aweful in its simple complexity, nothing ever given, no answers, just lessons, never a moral...just a story...why must we INFER everything why, is everything so hard to achieve?why is nothing given, why can nothing ever just...be?...only taken...second, minutes, hours, flying past us with nothing to fill them but memories and "hope" that tomorrow will be better than today...and if it is? our polished days are no different than those we see for what they are...the first kiss the first this or that...just a memory...nothing here and now, the best of our days...gone already...before life even begins we start to die, slowly or recklessly we venture down paths that all lead to death, and every path is filled with the same shit in a different order...why?as far as we climb, death's cold fingers rip the tapesty of our achievments....but then again, it is a comfort...no matter what happens, no matter who you are, no matter what you did or did not do...death accepts us all...not many enitities or "ideals" can offer such acceptance...only death does not descriminate, only death does not pick and choose..we all die...we are all embraced and laid to rest in the cold yet loving hands of the reaper...hmmm morbid...i think not...comforting is more like it...and still we seek acceptance from our false gods from our fellow human beings,searching for the ever illusive "hapiness" some find bits in kisses, others in bruises, and still others find most of their happiness scraped from the flesh of sadness...i cannot seem to find very many pieces of hapiness at all, and when i do, some one comes along and takes what i worked so hard for...so what is the point? where is the reason, the purpose?is it only the search?is the only purpose in life to live?what the fuck kind of twisted game is this?the object only to roll, and move, draw and read, no goal set no winners ever rewarded...at least not for the rest to see...its late...i'll think more and return with clearer thoughts tomorrow maybe...